Connecting To Your Inner Child

Have you met your younger self recently? Perhaps she came out in a rage when fighting with your spouse. Or maybe he spiraled in shame after making a minor mistake at work. Your younger self might be begging you for attention right this second.

If the idea of connecting to your inner child sounds unattainable to you, do not worry, you’re not alone.

I remember the moment I realized I had been ignoring my inner child. A fresh New York City transplant at age 26, looking for ways to fill my time while searching for a job, a friend recommended I read The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. One main assignment is to reserve a meaningful chunk of time each week for a ‘play date’. The goal is to nurture the part of yourself that needs ‘play’ to help cultivate creativity. Cameron encourages readers to protect the playdate fiercely despite the inevitable responsibilities and distractions that will try to interfere.

I’d spent my entire life thriving on productivity and accomplishments as a coping skill. I loved my calendar, schedule, lists, and optimization. Carving out time to just ‘play’ sounded nice but didn’t seem like it would yield any significant results. But like any good student, I followed the protocol. I wrote my morning pages and took myself on an aimless playdate once a week for three months.

To my great surprise, the commitment created a profound shift in my life. I went from obsessively thinking about my goals and tasks to lovingly protecting 3 hours every week for my younger self to do whatever she felt like doing. I took her to the movies, on bike rides, picnics in the park, and bowling. We went to dance class, made (very mediocre) pottery, painted watercolors. That younger part of me, the parentified child, who had always felt so responsible for everyone else and so overlooked, started to feel like she mattered. We began to feel whole.

When your inner child feels you’re paying attention, they stop acting out in ways that make you feel confused, ashamed, or out of control. They feel calm because they are seen and understood.

Remember, that younger part of you is always in the car, we just don’t want them grabbing the wheel. We want them to know that you are driving, you’re paying attention and you’ll check in through the rearview mirror regularly.

If you want a direct line to your younger self, here are 3 key practices for connecting to your inner child:

1. Keep photos of your younger self around your home and work

Take a deep dive into your family photo albums. Find some photos of your younger self, ideally a few different ages or an age you know needs some extra care and love. Print these photos and put them around your home, in your car, or on your desk at work. You can even make it a screensaver on your phone. This is a meaningful and helpful reminder that your inner child is always with you, and you can tune in to what they may be communicating.

2. Take yourself on a playdate

Set aside 2-3 hours to be with your younger self. Listen to what may be calling them and feel the joy of not needing to be responsible, productive, or helpful. If you only have one hour each week, that’s ok! Your inner child will be grateful for that time.

3. Write a letter to your younger self

Reflect on a period in your childhood when you felt confused, neglected, hurt, or anxious. As your adult self, handwrite a letter to your younger self, helping them to feel less alone and to understand what was going on at that time. You can let them know that you are there to protect them now and that you see how hard that time was for them. Give them the comfort and wisdom that they didn’t receive then.

Bonus Round: Write a response to this letter from your inner child. Use your non-dominant hand to write it.

We all have moments when we feel like a younger version of ourselves. These 3 meaningful practices can help you learn to connect with your inner child and heal yourself from the inside out. If this resonates with you and you’d like to learn more about Inner Child Work, contact us to speak with one of our therapists and begin this powerful process.