HELP! I’m Freaking Out!

A few years ago, I found out that my unscrupulous accountant had deliberately missed payments for my NYC corporation taxes. The fines and repercussions of this were overwhelming - I was lucky to have some savings and a new accountant to help me navigate. However, upon learning this, my body went into a full-blown panic. Learning that I hadn’t properly paid attention to my finances and had been trusting someone who didn’t have my best interests in mind made me feel like I was free-falling. I was triggered and I couldn’t control the way I felt.

When moments like these arise, people often misunderstand our reactions. Several close friends and family members encouraged me to ‘relax’ and told me it wasn’t that big of a deal, which felt invalidating and unhelpful—especially because I didn’t feel like I could control my emotions!

This is where Distress Tolerance Skills come in. When we’re emotional or overwhelmed, our instinct is to react, stay in our heads, or simply shut down. Use these skills to get through a distressing moment without making it worse by reacting or avoiding it.

I used these skills daily to help during my crisis and after about a week, the intensity of my emotions subsided. I still felt upset and disappointed about my accountant and the money that needed to be paid, but I no longer felt my whole body was tense and anxiously waiting for the next terrible bit of news. Bring these skills in when you’re freaking out – they won’t change your circumstances but they will help you navigate the moment in a way that makes you feel grounded.

Try these active exercises to get through a crisis:

DISTRACT: Practice distracting yourself when you feel overwhelming emotions, urges, or discomfort.

The three most important points of distraction are as follows:

Activities: What activities take you away from whatever consumes you?

It could be running, reading, dancing, writing, watching a movie, drawing….any number of things.

Thinking of others:  In a moment of distress consider someone else and what they might be experiencing.  Put yourself in someone else’s shoes or find a way to contribute to others. Ex: volunteer, walk your friend’s dog, or write a note to someone you miss

Sensations: Take your senses somewhere else entirely.  Take a cold shower or eat some very spicy food.  Smell some lavender or listen to some eclectic music. Do rigorous exercise. Hold ice cubes!

SELF-SOOTHE: Soothe your five senses with some of your favorite things.   

Some ideas:

Sight – Look at a nice, relaxing image

Sound – Listen to your favorite music or nature sounds

Taste – Drink your favorite tea or indulge in your favorite snack

Touch – Consider getting a massage or soaking in a bathtub

Smell – Smell your favorite scent or burn a delicious candle

IMPROVE: Try improving the moment to help yourself feel a little more hopeful.

The three most important improvements are as follows:

Visualize a more serene and enjoyable environment.

Example: Relaxing on the beach, watching the ocean waves                

Use faith and finding meaning to get a different outlook.

Example: Ask your higher power to help guide you, listen for the guidance.

Use encouragement and cheerleading to tell yourself you will get through this.

Example: You won’t feel like this forever, this moment will pass.

For more support and skills, join my upcoming Emotion Regulation Workshop on November 20th or reach out to our team for a consultation.